after 5 days you were born papa wrote

किसे नहीं भाएगा भला...

अपनी महीन रेशमी मुठ्ठी में
जब जकड़ ले मेरी एक अंगुली को...
और टिम-टिम करती आँखों से निहारे वो
अपने पैरों को हवा में उड़ा मस्त दिखे
और बुलबुले उड़ाये होठों से...
बिल्कुल वैसे जैसे आपको भाते हैं।

जब कुरेदे अपने रेशम से भी नरम नाखूनों से मेरे चेहरे को
गोदी में आ चुप हो जाए रोने से और अहसास दे आपको सबसे बड़ी जीत का।
निन्नु ले दैवीय सी अपने जीवन की पहली आपके सीने से सटकर...
आप अपनी बाहँ डाले रखो के कहीं
लुड़के ना इधर-उधर।

जब बैठे-बैठे थकन की नींद भरपूर आनंद दे...
सोये आपका बेटा आपकी गोदी में और
नसीहत मिले के बिगाड़ो मत।
और आप कहो के इत्ते से क्या होता है...
और लगो इतराने-बतियाने-बोलने-समझने।
इस से बड़ा क्या भला पागलपन
के जब पता हो के इसे नहीं पता भाषा का
और फिर भी सब कहे जाता हूँ-इसी यकीन से कि मेरा ही तो अंश है-इसी को तो सब पता है मेरा।
कितना भला लगता है नोजी से नोजी भिड़ाना...
और नटखटी बातें बनाना...
और मासूम छुअन जादू कर दे मन पर तो
बलैयाँ ले लेना चाँद की अपने।

कभी ठुड्डी ढूंडो तो कभी नाक मिलाओ
कभी ऒऒऒऒ
कभी उ उ उ उ उ
एक नयी वर्णमाला जिसका कोई सिमित व्याकरण नहीं।

किसे नहीं भायेगा भला अपना अंश।
अपने प्रेम के भीतर पला जो ।
किसे नहीं...

ये भी भला कोई कह सकने की बात है कि कैसा लगता है!
शब्दों से परे ही रहेगा ये अहसास।
कहा नहीं जाता-बताया नहीं जाता।
...

another one by papa

आओ युग साथ चलो
तुम्हें शब्दों परे की बात बताता हूँ।
जहां तुम आये हो ना
वहाँ जीवन जीने के जतन करते हैं सब
तुम जीना भी और संजोना भी।
यहाँ सीखने की ललक कैद भी हो जाती है,
तुम एकलव्य हो
देखकर-ध्यान-ध्येय-धर्म-धनुर्धर बनना।

रिश्तों की मर्यादा रखना।
कहा करना मन की बात...
और हाँ देखो टहलते हुए दूर ना जाना।
तुम बिन कौन भला हमारा।
डरना नहीं रंगों से
अपने आचरण में
सब रंग भरना।
इकहरा नहीं
दोहरा ही रहना
ताकि सबको दिखो और
छुपना न पड़े।

जीवन जीना बाँटकर।
संजोना रिश्ते
बरकत वाले।
और अँगुली थाम चलना भी
चलाना भी।

शब्दों परे की बातें हम यूँ ही
टहलते हुए किया करेंगे।

papa wrote a poem for you when you were few days old

शब्दों से परे की बात है जो मेरे लिए
वो तू अपनी नर्म मुठ्ठी में दबाये बैठा है।
मेरी हथेली में शब्द मेरे भाग्य के
पिरोये जाता है तू।
तू युग सौंपता है और
ज़रा सा भी दंभ नहीं।
अहि सही कहते के
सत्य तो वही जिसका संकेत तुम करो
ये बचपना अनजान नहीं
सब जानता है।
मानवीय नहीं बस
दैविक सब।
तुहारी पलकें-आँखें
मध्धम-मध्धम बोलना बुलबुलों से
और हमारा जीवन दिखा देना हमें।

तेरी मुट्ठी का जादू
देख
मेरे सर चढ़ बोलता है।
पर शब्दों परे की बात कही नहीं जाती।

mamma going nuts...

#2

When I look through Facebook pages I get jealous to see people so happy. Someone is posting pictures of their anniversary, or birthday, someone of their foreign trip, or of their trip to caves or of friends or kids or families. I feel that all the people there have perfect lives and almost all of them are living a life that I aspired. But when give it a deep thought I come to a conclusion that I am just seeing one side of a coin, the side which people want to show. My life might not have all those cherishing moments but i do have some things which they might not be having. Facebook wall cannot decide my happiness. I do have wonderful moments in my life whose pictures cannot be clicked.

Have been realizing some realities of life lately, one of them, life is too short and we keep on wasting time in fights and crying over fights. I particularly have been wasting time over things which are useless.  Instead I should be thankful to God for giving me what I have. I have Parveen sir, I have Eklavya, I have my parents , I have health, I have roof on my top, I have food to eat I have clothes to wear and what not…. I have almost everything for which most of the people in this world crave for.

Lately I have been searching crèches for Eklavya for day care. I want to work, no I think I want to earn. But when I just think of my baby in some else’s hands I feel so sorry for myself. He is too young, can’t even walk and speak. The culture of keeping kids in day care has made me or I can say forced  me to think about putting my kid in a day care where I am not sure whether he will be cared or not. People who already send their children to day cares often say that don’t we love our child. There are so many kids who are kept in crèches and they are happy about it. Parveen sir always tell me not to think about this option but time and again I rethink over it.

While going thru some day care advertisements online, I went through some comments about the day care being the worst or bad. I think I cannot leave Eklavya in any day care to check whether it’s good or bad. I surely cannot experiment on him. My conscience would never want my baby to cry and suffer ever.  Yes I think I can quit my stubborn wish of making my career for him. He surely deserves that, he surely deserves my love and care all the time. When he’s not around and I hear him cry, my heart sinks, yes it does and it can stop to beat if he suffers because of me.

I don’t know if being ambitious is bad or unhealthy but it is poisonous. It ruins you; it destroys your ‘self’. I don’t see me as the ‘swati’ I am behaving these days.  I am not even sure of what I want to do or achieve. I want Eklavya to be proud of me as well as I want to be the best half of Parveen sir. I am not writing this to show up to anyone but just because writing things helps me to clear up my thoughts and sieve all the impurities in my thoughts. I might not be a good wife, daughter or daughter in law, but yes I want to be a very good mother.

Being mother is not an easy job. And all mothers are best for their children. Motherhood brings new challenges every day. It makes you forget your sleep, it makes you forget your work, relationships, night outs, parties, trips and it gives you stretch marks too that look weird. But a mother should be proud of all these things she manages. Mothers forget all the pain and hardships when she sees her baby smile.

A mother’s heart often stops beating, whenever her child falls, gets hurt and cries. It makes her wish to get time machine if there is anything like that in this world so that he can get back and rerecord that situation where her baby falls, this time se wouldn’t let him fall. But we have to realise that falling is what will help my baby to rise and grow. He will only learn if he tries and fails.

This is what papa wrote for u...

Eklavya has started walking...from this room to that...certain times he takes a bite of food and goes for 20-30 steps..returns..takes another bite...repeats...
sometimes he want to grab my mobile phone...forces me to bring the home screen..and then demands the opening of Baby Musical Instruments..Baby Balloon apps.... he knows where to put the phone while you take a call..he asks us to take the phone..as we shift phone to each other sometimes... He folds his hands the moment he is in front of the temple on canvas... Eklavya responds to his name...he runs..when we run after him pretending to chase him with Pakdo--Pakdo....
Swati enjoys most of this divine time being at home with him...he does not let her work easily... today..in the morning..he shared bites from the breakfast... giving me a share of the 'Puri' taking one himself..giving one to Swati then...
Eklavya has not changed our life!
He has defined it as LIFE now! We have a purpose-a reason and a strength to start and conclude the day! When I see that three of us are sleeping in identical styles in the bed..I feel strange.. he imitates..he laughs...pretends to cry... our Laddu does not prefer sweet things, loves salt-spicy food...
There are hundreds of images clicked...millions not clicked but stored in our memory each day...
The Best thing that can happen to life is becoming a father...a mom!

Our baby's first Year.. Our best Year.. swatiparv's best year...

#1

12^th July 2015, had to peek date down there on bottom of screen, anyway the most important thing is that i experienced the most wonderful moment of my life. My small baby Eklavya filled me with joy and wonder when he folded his hands to say “jai” when I asked him to do so, now he even knows how to wave goodbye and how to clap his tiny hands. Despite of all ups and lows I think I am happy today to be a mother and I feel that he has completed me as a woman today. Though my expectations would never come to an end but I wish and pray that I never become hurdle in his life.

It was early November of 2013 when I came to know that I have conceived and soon I will become a mother. There was a mixed feeling of nervousness and joy. Was scared because had heard that becoming a mother is the most difficult and painful task. But was happy to be with a wonderful, loving and caring companion with whom I felt safe and pampered. Those eight nine months we took every precaution so that the baby and mom duo remain healthy and safe. Despite of all the measures I got ill and suffered from an eye disease, optic neuritis in right eye. Those days were scary as I was not sure whether I will be able to get my vision or not. PGIMER Chandigarh, yes the doctors there, they entered into my life as angels and I got well before I gave birth to Eklavya.

For the Last two months of pregnancy I was with my parents. All through this time I missed that everything my husband did to pamper me.  This was the time when gaining weight was welcomed and happily accepted, gained about 15 kilos and I looked more like an elephant now. Was not sure of anything as how things would happen during baby birth but was surely excited for it. It was summer time and the days were hot and humid, so one day I jumped into the stream near my house. Swam all through the ninth month, water helped me to feel weightless, made my muscles workout and kept me cool and calm.

6^th August 2015, we went to hospital for normal routine checkup, the day was still a week time away. But while coming back from hospital finally the pains started the very same day. We went back to hospital in the evening and I had to bear the Labour pains whole night. My mom was a big support to me all this time. Wanted Eklavya’s papa to be with me but I knew that he would not be able to see me in so much pain. At that time you realise the reality of life, we all are so fortunate that we don’t have to bear this much pain all the time. It’s just that we have to cross some hurdles all through life but if we have a companion who is ready to share all the trouble, the journey of life becomes beautiful.

On 7^th August , it was eight in the morning and I think Eklavya was ready to come in this world , as I was in the highest frequency and amplitude of pains. At 8:25 he came out of my womb. I just could have a little glance of a tiny creature in nurse’s hand. Now I just waited for the nurses to tell me about the health of the baby and of course I wanted to know whether ‘Katha’ has come or ‘Eklavya’ has come. Yes we had decided names already.  

Holding the little one in my hands and feeding him was world for me. Instantly forgot all the pain I suffered last night. He was so small, tine little hands, tiny feet, small fingers little pink nose cute red cheeks and lot of hair on his head. Now I eagerly waited for Eklavya’s dad to come and see him and love both of us. Everybody was so happy. There was cheer all around.  It took several days to realise it that I became a mom and a little baby in my lap is my baby.

Watching him grow every day is a feeling of great joy and cheer. Days when he initially started smiling, then giggling made me click his pictures every now and then. I got amazed to see him suck his thumb, the way he smiled to while feeding, the way he extends his hand up to my mouth and wants his hand to be kissed by me everything made me happy as never. The days when he started to turn around. He even rolled down from bed once but landed on floor just like a kitten safely. Then he started crawling and I followed him and I still follow him as he has not started to walk. He is almost 12 months now.